Farewell tears.

Farewell tears.

Kyuhyun’s Point of View.

            I’m a boy but yet I used to wonder, do boys cry too? I mean, of course boys cry, but do grown up boys cry too. As long as I remember, I never cried since I entered the elementary school until right now except that one time.

            The girl, she’s the girl from the next-door. Her name is Sungmin but most people in the neighbourhood or at school called her Ming or some cute names like ‘pink little bunny’ since she’s so cute, she loved pink and she looked like a bunny when she smiled. We grew up together but we never talked to each other, I tell you, never. Don’t ask me why because until this very day I never figured out the answer.

            We went to the same kindergarten. I liked seeing her walking to school every morning with her cute pigtails braids. She would also wear some cute accessories like pink hair bands, pink bows, pink hair clips, and pink hats and ugh, have I mentioned that they’re all in pink? Other than that, she also wore cute pink shoes and pink bags and her pencil box was pink too. I used to steal some glances at her and smiled like an insane little boy. She’s so adorable that she could always make everyone smile.

            At elementary school, we studied at the same school and also the same class. I guess I’m not that stupid since I managed to be in the same class with one of the most genius girls, her, in our hometown. There, I found out that she didn’t speak much but she really did has lots of laughter and smiles. Every day she went to school by bicycle. It’s dangerous for a girl to ride alone so my mother asked me to go to school by bicycle too. I was so thankful to my mother, because of her, I could totally see Ming’s adorable-early-morning face every day. Yet, we still didn’t talk to each other.

            On a Valentine’s Day when we were in middle high school, I received a box of chocolate with a card from her. I was hesitant at first. I thought that maybe that was only a prank from my friends who knew that I got some of ‘sort-of-like-that’ feeling to her. However, it was really her who gave me that chocolate. I was on cloud nine, thinking that she’s liking me until I found out that she gave all her classmates a box of chocolate each and that makes me fell from the clouds directly downwards and landed harshly on my butt, leaving a crack on my heart.

            In high school, almost all my friends were in relationship but not me and her. I never felt jealous of them since I knew that those kinds of relationships won’t last long. However, I was 100% sick of myself for not having the courage to tell her the truth about my feelings or at least having a conversation with her before that teenage-world of us come to an end.

            Moreover, the thing that really made me wanted to give a full box filled with varieties of curse words as a present to myself was that I asked her to prom. Don’t give an applaud to me yet for doing that because there’s always a ‘but’ in my story. But, I didn’t asked her, I mean by mouth, I just left a note in her desk. In addition of that, another negative point was we didn’t speak at all during the prom night. And I didn’t have a slight courage to start a conversation with that beautiful girl in front of me. Maybe I was just too nervous or it could be that I was completely mesmerized with her beauty that shines the best among all the girls there that night. Truthfully, she was the most dazzling and fascinating and fantastic girl I’ve ever seen.

            One day, it was raining hard. I was listening to songs while thinking what she was possibly doing right now. It had been almost 6 months since I last met her. She’s just next door but I never bumped onto her since that prom night. Honestly, I missed to see that adorable face so much that I often made myself stay outside to see if she ever went out to play or to take some fresh air. But she didn’t come out. Not once.

            Suddenly someone knocked the door and it’s my mother with Mrs. Lee. Wait, what in the world was Mrs. Lee doing in front of my room. They both didn’t look good, well, very not good in my eyes. I could see Mrs. Lee’s swollen eyes and my mom’s eyes were also blurred with tears. Mrs. Lee held out a note to me. A short note on a pink paper folded nicely forming the shape of a bunny. I read it and before I knew it, I was completely drowned in my tears. It said;

                                    Hello, my love.

                                                            ...Goodbye.

                                                                                    -Ming.

 Yes, that’s the first time I cried as a grown up boy. I didn’t really knew the meaning of the notes at first but I just can’t stop myself from crying. They told me that she’s dying. It’s been six months for her laying on the hospital bed. All this time, she had been diagnosed with cancer. I spent the whole rainy day crying my heart out that it felt like my eyes and my heart had melted along with the tears.

            It had been a week since I got the news. In that one week, I visited Sungmin every single day at the hospital. I felt like crying when I saw her suffering but I got no more tears to do so. The doctor told them something. Her family asked me a favour. I nodded persistently. She had gone through this for so long that I’m sure I can’t take it that she’s enduring that much of pain for much more longer. She have had enough of all this.

            That day, I walked into the room. I could see my parents with my little brother along with Mr. and Mrs. Lee by her bed. They all looked at me with the ‘are-you-alright?’ look. Mr. Lee then held my hand and told me that it’s okay if I don’t want to do this but I told him that I could. I slowly grab her hands and stroke her cheek. I almost cried when I see her face. Those adorable squishy cheeks were not there anymore and those sparkling eyes weren’t looking at me anymore. What’s left was just a pale and thin face of hers.

            I pulled off the oxygen mask on her face and placed a kiss on her forehead. It’s cold. I looked at them and they nodded at me. The doctor showed me the button and told me to be strong. I didn’t want to see her in pain anymore. I had to do this. I pressed the button and then, all the machines that connected to her along with Ming herself were turned off completely. And she was gone. It was dead silent in the room but I could still hear my mom and Mrs. Lee trying to hold in their sobs. It hurt me so much to know that I could not see those cute bunny smiles of hers anymore. My heart felt like it was going to explode into tiny pieces and my eyes hurts so much but I held my tears inside. Even if I cried enough to fill in the ocean, it still can’t make her comeback to live healthily. I tried to accept the fact that she’s not here anymore.

            However, that proves to me that boys also cry. Even if the tears weren’t there, if it’s hurt, boys do cry...in their heart. If boys don’t cry, at least, me, Cho Kyuhyun knows that I do cry.