I have always wondered why do people stay in abusive relationship; physical or emotion. They should've stopped and walk away. It is not worth it. Why keep holding on to things that hurt you when you could do better? Why try so hard to give happiness to others when all they could give is none other than pain? Why keep accepting the fact that they will never appreciate? Why ignore the feeling of worthlessness? Why keep the tears flowing? Why fake the smile? Why endure such huge pain for a little bit of happiness? Why sacrifice when you got nothing in return? Why risk it when you know it is not going to work? Why.
Because it is not as easy as it seems. You may try hard to close the door. But when they come knocking, there is a choice to keep them knocking. But you just can't stop yourself from opening it.
Hari ini, jemariku menari menekan kekunci. Menulis dalam bahasa ini, bahasa ibundaku sendiri. Bahasa yang telah kututuri semenjak lahir lagi. Bahasa ini kata mereka harus diangkat tinggi. Memartabatkan bahasa ini menjadi satu misi. Akankah fantasi ini menjadi realiti? Kala mereka sibuk mengadili, menjadi juri, menabur kritik dan kata keji, adakah terjaga martabat bahasa ini? Adakah semakin tinggi maruah bangsa ini? Sedangkan mereka sendiri membuta tuli, merancang langkah, takut berlari. Sampai bila harus di sini? Menyimpan kuku menjaga taji. Mereka berbangga berbahasa inggeris, sedang bahasa sendiri terbiar sepi. Bila bertutur di hadapan kami, nahu dan kata masih lagi lari.
Mereka bermadah dengan angkuh dan bongkak, menabur janji katanya aspirasi. Aku lalu tergelak sendiri melihat mereka mengangkat tempat diri sendiri. Semakin hari semakin keji.
Once upon a time, I once had someone in my life, who cared for me and loved me sincerely. I was in comfort. I was happy until I got too loose. We were too far apart. The long distance was unbearable. I took that person for granted. I hurt him without intentions. I changed him. I tried to mold him into someone that I wanted him to be, not someone that I used to love. I was cruel and awful towards this lovely mankind. I got sensitive. I got hurt too easily. And worst come to worst, I got bored. I got bored of all his showering care and love. I got bored of his attention and feelings. I got bored of him. He was hurt. Deeply hurt. While I, was out, looking for some adventures, looking for someone new, seeking for some attention that he had given me more than enough. I admit, I am awfully bloody terrible. But that could change nothing. As he, is now gone. He had left me. He had started a new chapter, without me. He had had enough. He had been suffering for long, being ignored, hurt, and terribly wronged, by me. This person that he used to love a whole lot is now just somebody that he used to know. They said, you will realize how important someone is in your life when that person has gone. And I, bear witness that the statement is truth. I tried my best to fix things up, apologize, start new. But hey, it's not as easy as munching on some snacks. When a glass is shattered, you can't simply piece it back together using super glue. That's what happened. And I'm doomed, being a pathetic loser. Not being able to get over and move on. Because I'm just a little girl, lost. A lost little girl in her own world.
It has been a while now. I thought I've recovered. But I'm absolutely wrong. I still shed a tear every once in a while. Deep in my heart, I'm longing him so badly.
He was the one who always pray for me and always want to see me succeed. He's an awesome man. I could speak with him using 3 languages. That's my atuk. He's wonderful. He was always there to back me up whenever I argue with my opah. She loves to compare me to my cousin. And she never agree with me on anything. It's her hobby to annoy me, perhaps. He told me not to get upset. "There's no use." "She's different." "She's not that smart." "She doesn't get it." "Let her be." that's what he always said to me. He understands me really well. I love him.
When spending time at kampung, I'm always anxious. As if my ears are hearing his motorbike's sound driving in to the yard, I keep looking around out the window in the evening. Hoping that he'll come back with gardenia bread and ice cream or mee rebus, popiah and karipap like he always did. But I knew that there's no way it would happen. I miss him so much.
At dawn, my ears keep hearing him reciting the Quran and zikir. As if he's still there. But that's just me. He's not there. And will never be. My heart yearn for his presence.
Every time someone mention about him around me, my eyes started getting teary. The loss of him hurts. But the memories that replays again and again are the biggest pain. I always pray to meet him again in the hereafter. May Allah will bless his soul. And let him rest in peace. Amiin.
He took care of him when he's sick. He was there the whole time never leaving him alone. He gave all the things he want. He cared for him like a little child. He never ever complained. He wiped his body with the cold yaasin water. Hoping that the sakaraatul maut would be less harsh to him. He kept reminding him to be tough. And not to stop saying the kalimah. He smiled to everybody who came to visit. He smiled to me and my little brother who're already crying at the corner. He recited the yaasin praying that the process of him 'going back' would be less painful. He whispered the kalimah syahaadah to his ears nonstop. He smiled when the doctor said that there's no more hope. He nodded his head with a calm face. He saw the last two breaths. He saw it when there were water vapor in the second last breath. And he saw it when there's only air came out. Cold, no heat. He saw the last moments. But he still managed to go home with a smile. He still had the strength to greet everyone. He managed to control his feelings. But the next morning, before the jenazah left home. He just can't keep it anymore. At last, the strong him cried. The tears fell non-stop. With the red eyes and face, he still managed to ask forgiveness for him from everyone who came. He asked them to pray for the best for the late him. And he said all that with a smile. I couldn't hold my tears any longer and they fell for the nth time that day. I've been crying from the day before. And seeing the strong him crying like that, it just broke my heart. After the burial. He sat there. With his two sons. And me, his daughter. He smiled. And then, his tears fell again. He loves him. And the tears he held for such a long time fell that day just because.. He is a son.
May allah bless his soul in peace. My late Tok. Amin.
So yeah, I bought a Hada Labo moisturizer back while ago. It's called the Moisturizing Milk. I bought it along with the lotion. The lotion was okay for me but the milk had made little red blotches appear on my skin. They're itching and when I scratch it, I will have small cuts in my face. And believe me, it hurts. And it left me hyper pigmentation as well. I have been stopped using it but it's quite sad since I've spent a quite amount of money on that product. So I tried to figure out a way to still use it.
Sometimes ago, Michelle Phan did a tutorial on doing DIY cotton mask. I was inspired to use the moisturizing milk that way but the consistency of the milk is too thick and the cotton pads available here is too thick and not stretchable as well. So, I figured out a way.
What you'll need are a regular moisturizer, a kitchen towel, a small bowl, a pair of scissor and of course a little bit of water. First, mix 3 to 5 drops of your moisturizer with a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitle bit of watter in a small bowl. Then, take a kitchen towel, also known as paper towel, cut it to your face size. Cut 4 holes for your eyes, mouth and nose. It doesnt have to be perfect. Just cut it roughly. Then, soak the paper towel into the mixture of moisturizer. let the excess drip down before applying it to your face. Adjust the mask so it sits properly on your skin. Then, take the excess mixture and pat it onto the mask. Chill yourself for 10 minutes then take it off. Tadaaaa~ a soft and bouncy hydrated skin. xD
In
my life, there is a wingless angel sent by god. She’s the one that brought me
to this world. She is the one that taught me the meaning of love.
Every morning, she wakes me up so
that I can go to school. She prepares the breakfast before getting herself
ready to go to work. She then sends me to school. When it’s time to go home, I
can see her waiting me by the gate. She picks me up and takes me home. After
that, she sends my little brother to his religious class and picks him up when
it’s time. At home, she cooks, cleans, and prepare for our school for tomorrow
and other things that moms usually do. The very next day, she continues the
tiring routine. At weekends, she goes to the market to buy things or sends my
brother to his classes. She does that every single day, week and months.
Sometimes I wonder, doesn’t she get bored with that?
However, from what I can see, she’s
not bored with that, not at all. Because she’s a mother. A mother will never be
tired of being a mother.
My mother is like an angel for me.
Her heart is even prettier than an angel is. Every time I’m in need, she is
always there. When I said always, I really mean it. When I’m sick, she’s the
one who takes care of me. Even by looking at her, I can feel her love for her
children.
Although she often annoys me with
her nagging or scolding at my wrong doings, my mother is always the one that I
love the most. She does that because she knows exactly what’s best for me. She
is the Wingless Angel descends from heaven that’s always there to catch me
whenever I’m falling or tripping.
She has given everything to me. I
hope that I can do the same to her too. Protecting her forever even with my
weak self. I wish I could always be by her side, caring for her and loving her
with all my heart. Even if the world ends, I will always love her like a
timeless ticking clock that never stops.
She's tired of crying and being ignored. She had made her decision to just forget about him. There's no way things would go according to what she hoped for. Well, forgetting him, there's nothing to waste but time. She had wasted her time on the person that never cared to make her smile.
She tried to enjoy her life and that made her realise that there's always somebody by her side. The one that always make her smile and laugh like crazy. The one that she's afraid to lose. Yes, that very good mate of hers. ;) Everything thanks to her best friends who had helped her to open her eyes to see. LOL. xD
And now she is smiling. :) No more tears. Well, sometimes you don't have to look too far. Maybe your happiness is just right next door! Who knows? Allah knows. ;)
Once upon a time, boy Ed went to a camp with girl Ai. Then she fell in like with boy Ed. She tells everything to her friend, girl Aq. Girl Aq always comforted her.
Girl Ai has a good friend. The good friend is one of girl Aq's best friends. That good friend is boy Ab. He's a good friend eventhough sometimes he's not cool at all. But girl Ai likes being his friend. Boy Ab has the same personality like girl Aq. Almost like twins. They once called themselves twins anyway. Both of them are younger than girl Ai. So, she calls them her little twins. To be exact, boy Ab as 'adik kicik' and girl Aq as 'baby kicik'.
Boy Ab and boy Ed once were not in good terms. But now, they're good to each other. They're friends. They make up because boy Ed helped boy Ab with something. Herrrm, rule bender? They're pros in the industry. LOL.
One day, boy Ed knows about girl Ai liking him after asking her. They both feel awkward but still being friends. She managed to grab herself and snap the feelings off with the help of girl Aq.
Boy Ab is so caring and being overprotective towards girl Aq. Girl Ai can sense something and she can't help but asking him about it. And she got the answer. Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Boy Ab likes girl Aq. Girl Aq sort of likes him back. But who knows. We never knew.
Now, boy Ed no longer texting girl Ai anymore. Just because, i don't know why.
The video I placed in all of my entries HAVE THINGS TO DO with the entry itself. So, please listen or read the subtitle on the vid. Because it'll give you a better understanding of the situation. xD
(a/n ; please read this the way Anwar Hadi speaks. :)) Assalamualaikum... Well Hello there world! As you might be able to see in the recent posts, I just indulged myself in a really really confusing situation. *Okay, kecewa sebenarnya.* (a/n ; done with the Anwar Hadi way of speaking)
Haha. All right. I'm so lame. This is not even an entry actually. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. *bows* Thank you. :)
(a/n ; these boys are such great actors. I feel like crying watching them cry. xD)
Finally, she had the guts to confess. With her heart pounding like crazy that her chest felt like bursting, she waited for an answer. An answer that she knew would break her heart. But she never cared. Instead, she kept praying and hoping that the answer would bring a smile to her face and also her heart. *tic* *toc* *tic* *toc* The clock kept ticking. And her heart kept pounding. She couldn't wait any longer. She could feel all the organs in her alimentary canal shrinking and squeezing. Starting from the esophagus down to her small intestines. She knew if something went wrong, she'll immediately burst into tears. Because that's how she is usually; so fragile and flimsy even though she looks quite strong.
The next thing she knew, he replied her text by asking the reason. What could be her answer? There's a million reasons for liking him that she can't even translate into words. She had no reason to give him. Then he kept asking about things. Continuously throwing questions. And she patiently answered them all. God knows how hurt she was at the moment. God knows how hard she's trying to control her feelings at that moment. Because she knew, the questions he's giving indicate that he didn't have the same feelings as she does. She tried to be strong. Her tears didn't fall.
She didn't want to be a burden to him. So she asked him to forget about those things she told him. She asked him to forget. Yes, with the bleeding heart, reluctantly asking him to forget. So that their siblings-like relationship would return to normal. So that he won't feel awkward around her. So that he could still call her 'sis' like always. And so that he'll still love her as a sister like he always did.
He said he regretted for asking her the question. The question that lead them to a heart-to-heart discussion like this. He regretted asking her whether she likes him or not. Because the answers made him uncomfortable and also the answers had break her heart. And in the end, she couldn't hold it any longer. Tears had fallen. And she cried. Alone without him.
a/n ; it took me almost two hours to complete this not-so-long entry.
Just a short entry from me. Yes, the title is pretty. No, I'm not saying that I'm pretty. Well, kind of. LOL. So lame. xD
So, this past 3 weeks, so many things happen to my face. O.O Why so many? God, why?! *teary eyes*. Okay, so not dramatic. SO like, the first and second week, surprisingly, there's no acne or pimple or zits or 'pemanis muka' whatsoever you call it on my face. Very surprising right?! So, I was quite happy. And happy and happy. xD And tried to erase the existing polka-dot-like scars on my face.
Well, before it could work, we faced an exam. The mid-year exam. I wasn't really stressed out. But guessed what? Something really cute and 'pretty' started to grow on my face. Mommy!!! Nooo!!! Please let me enjoy this time of life where my face is clear. But yeah, God knows everything best and so, pimples started to appear again. Until this day, the pimple really do love me. (T.T).
Tehee! Been so busy with school and exam, didn't even have time to write to you. (a/n ; lol, sounds so weird). Soooooooooooooooooo, like, last two weeks, we participated in the English Parliamentary Style Debate. Woohoo!~ *confetti toss*. A quite great 'achievement' in my life. LOL. (a/n; soooo not...). Wanna hear the story? You don't want to? I don't care, I'm still gonna write it anyway. xD
I'm actually quite lazy to write this. But yeah, let's just continue. So, we were the chosen ones to participate in the English Parliamentary Style Debate the District level. We weren't fully prepared as the teacher said that we're going there JUST, ONLY to have FUN. So, yeah, there we went, having 'fun'.
In the first round, it was SMBM vs SMKM, yes, SMK Muhibbah. I didn't feel really nervous at that time actually. Well, of course, there's a little bit of small butterflies in my tummy but not like 'dead nervous'. And my confidence level was high even though we didn't have our 'trump cards' at that moment. Who's the trump card? I'll reveal them to you later. So, on the first round, we were on the Government side and did really well with Aqilla as the PM, me as the Deputy and Kak Syahmi or Kak Amy as Abang Sofwan called her, as the third minister. We we're fairly confident as we're quite prepared for the motion which was, 'Reading fiction is more enjoyable than watching films'. We gave them all we had. Confidently throwing POIs and confidently answering all the POIs given to us. We were having fun actually. And We also did a great job rebutting their points and highlighting their flaws along the debate. Not to be hateful, we were just enjoying ourselves there. And me, as clumsy as I am, made a few laughable mistakes there.Well, it's my first experience remember? No need to blame me. lol. And so, we won the first round. With that, we have to go the next round, which was the quarter final round.
And we, being not prepared for the next motion, had to immediately go to the next round. So like, WTF?! Why aren't we prepared? It's because our teacher said that we went there JUST, ONLY to have FUN. And starting from that, everyone got stressed. We tried to seek for help from almost everyone. And again, I was disappointed with my family. Well, let's just for get about that. We also looked for our 'secret cards' who were currently in the Malay Parliamentary Style Debate but found none. Luckily, the debate team that we beat earlier helped us by giving a few points for the PM. Really good people they are. :) Our teacher and the other team members asked me whether I wanna continue or just to back off just like some other teams who withdrew. Hey you people! Never step back before you even start okay~! So me, who had a lower self-confidence this time, along with the team, who had some trembling points, went to the debate hall.
While waiting with thumping hearts, suddenly, the superhero and the side kick came to the rescue! Oh yeah! *fireworks*. Such a bless and mercy from god. Me who were drowning with tears and fear earlier smiled so big and felt just like hugging those two live savers. xD Who are they? Introducing, *drumroll* the heroes of the day; *drumroll* Abang Salam and Kak Amalina! Woohooo!~ *big applause* They took the places as the PM and the third minister and Aqilla with Kak Syahmi be the fourth and fifth minister. With their presence, my confidence level immediately rose. I know, we could do this! So the round started. We were a little bit shaky at first but soon got our rhythm and started to improve. I did worse than the first round but I know it was pretty good. Our points weren't really concrete but the presence of Abang Salam, as the third speaker, brought everything back together in place and make our team fully secured to the maximum level. We didn't threw as much POIs but we accepted the POIs wisely. Kak Amalina kept laughing and Abang Salam kept saying 'If we lose, it's your fault' to me in a spooky way, as if they knew that we're going to win. And uh, our opponent was the team from STMAA. The obvious flaw from them was the use of personal informations and that had brought advantages to us. Whew! Thank God. And so, the motion, 'Parents play an important role in enhancing 1Malaysia vision' was accepted.
We head to the canteen and started to discuss things. At that time, the tension started to decrease. And everyone was trying to prepare for the next round. Abang Salam said to me that big girls do not cry. Then he made fun of me saying that I'm not a big girl, I'm a kid because I drank 'Dutch Lady Kid' chocolate milk.
Then, we had to prepare for the next level which was the semi-final level. This time, our opponent was quite strong, the SMKRPK and we're the opposition team. God, do help us. This time, me and Abang Salam was confident enough but Kak Amalina wasn't in a good state of health. And her emotion and motivation was totally down. Aqilla was proposed to replace her but she refused. The motion was pretty hard and again, we weren't prepared. I really think that or biggest mistake that day was we were not prepared. And so, we, who were not prepared, walked into the hall with just hope as our backbone. The thing that made it worse was, I didn't even understand the 'inclination' of the motion, 'Nationalism should be made compulsory in our education system' and how could I oppose in this state? However, we got started and we did bad. Well, at least I did really bad. The government and the opposition team didn't even understand what each of us trying to imply. And that's the worst case scenario. We were clueless. Abang Salam, as always, tried to bring everything back on the track but failed. Even worse, we were attacked back by the Government team using the points and examples given by Abang Salam. We were dead meat. And yes, we lose.
However, it was a quite impressive achievement for newbies like us, well except Abang Salam, to go this far on the first try. Come one, it's the semi-final. Can you just snatch any kid in the school and send them to the competition to go this far? I don't think so. Okay. *sorry*. And so, we were determined to go further next year and InsyaAllah, we won't make the same mistake. 2012, wait for us, we're NOT JUST going to have FUN. To the future!! Okay, so lame. Sorry. Thank you for reading. :)
Girl : Which one? Haha. Just like how ELFs gave stars to SJ members.
Boy : That one. *points at one small star*
Girl : *yawn* Why so small?
Boy : What does it means if the star is small?
Girl : It's far away? *sleepy expression*
Boy : It means you. Looks twinkling. But too far to reach and hard to know you deeply.
Girl : eh??? whatever.
A quite cheesy conversation between a girl and a boy. But that kind of adorable cheesiness works well most of the time on girls. How can you not fall for a guy that speaks like that to a very sleepy and messy girl that's hugging a little pillow and a hoodie outside a small tent? Very sweet.
And can you imagine how the girl is feeling at that time? She must be on the cloud nine. Thinking whether she should take that seriously or not. The boy treats her really well. Caring for her most of the time. And with her all the time. Even if he didn't mean anything, those things would have surely touched her heart.
She went on day by day as her feelings for him grows. He kept being good to her. Being sweet and kind all over. Spoke very nice and creamy words to her everyday. How happy she is.
However, one day she knew that it was only her. It was her who thinks that way. The boy had nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not even a pinch of feelings towards her. She fell hard on her butt crashing her hearts into pieces. Trying to hide her tears but they keep flowing all day long.
It was because she was full of hope. She was very comfortable. She was filled with love and joy. And because of that, the reality had hurt her so much. Yes. But no matter what happens, she must accept the truth. The ugly truth that; He was the best thing. But never been mine...
I have very big eyes. They come in complete set with short-sightedness and very long but not curly eyelashes. Not to forget the baggy eye-bags and dark circles that come along. xD
I'm very loud. I can talk very loudly with very high pitch and very fast that most of the time I can't even be heard by a normal people. Very impressive right?
I'm extremely rich with fats. They grow under my skin all over my body. And yes, I feed them to grow everyday. ;)
I have acne scars on my face. They look like polka-dots. Envy me cause you don't have them like I do.
I'm very cute. I'm very chubby and short. Simply adorable.
Aren't you filled with envy reading my post? I'm very sure you do. (a/n ; or...don't). Yes, you can take out your rifle gun and shoot me right now. Enjoy. :)
Beautiful is a very subjective adjective. Anything can be beautiful according to what beauty to you is. No, I'm not going to talk about me being beautiful because I'm not, well again, not in some peoples' eyes. But today I'm going to talk about the beauty of life.
I'm not saying that I have a beautiful life. In fact, my life isn't beautiful. But it's the persons and things who coloured my life made it beautiful.
My days aren't always beautiful. I had some very dull days and sometimes very colourful day. Today was one of the colourful day. Colourful doesn't mean that it is filled with some bright and happy colours. It's also filled with some dull and warm colours. But that what makes it beautiful. You won't consider a painting with just bright colours beautiful. Instead, a balanced painting is usually beautiful in my point of view.
Some of them who made my life beautiful are my friends. Yes, I have some very awesome friends. They don't always make me happy. But their presence is the thing that makes me happy. Well, surely I'm not ALWAYS happy with their presence but most of the time, it's a good thing to have them there.
Friends, sometimes they're annoying or they make you mad. And sometimes it's vice versa. But those are things that colour your life. Except if you don't have any friends, which is, very rare. They make fun of you, they fight with you, they scream at you, they laugh with you and they cry with you as well. Okay, again, not all the time. But most of the time, they understand what you're feeling. I feel blessed having my friends around me. Most of my friends are quite weird or should I say unique compared to anyone else just like myself (a/n ; well, my classmates are all craaaaaaaaaazy. and i love that) but that's what makes them so lovable and colourful.
Do envy me because I have some very awesome friends. I don't think I could find the same anywhere else. TBB TBG for the win!~~ (a/n ; you might not understand what the acronyms mean. Well, you don't have to)
Likable means easy to like and very pleasing. Yes. That's my point today. A very likable thing or person is those that can make you feel happy just by listening about it. A very pleasant feeling when you think about it. And a very flowery sensation comes to your mind when you see it. Oh My God! I sounded lame. Shoot me now~!
As a teenage, I really thing the hormone change in my body resulted this situation I'm in right now. It's very easy for me to like something now. And my mood changes rapidly almost every moment. I got happy easily and cry easily too. I go all glee and giddy when I see the favorable thing or likable person. I swear, it happens unintentionally. And it makes me look very weird now.
Anyways, I think I'm very cute. I'm gonna be like this for a while now. So please. Please. Please. I beg you. Please bear with me for a little while. Thank you. I love you!
Today, many things happened. Today, I was left with no choices. Today, I drank 1.3 liters of water at school. Today, my very kind little brother bought chocolate ice cream for me. Today, Dina kissed me on the cheeks and suddenly played peek-a-boo with me when I was about to sleep. Today, I didn't bring my lunch box to school because there was nothing to take to school. Today, we made a plan to reduce 3kg from our body weight. Today, I watched Oh! My School after missing a few episodes of it.
So, let's get to it one by one. Today, I was left with no choice. There was a person who forced me to do the thing that I'm not good at. I hate it when I don't have any option. He could've just gave it to other very good persons that will surely win the public speaking. But he just loves to make things go his way. He should've let me enter the SIR challenge because he, himself know that I'm really good at it. And being a crybaby, I cried. I hate it. In my life, why do I always have to face the situation without any options?
Today, I drank 1.3 liters of water at school. That maybe a little amount but that's a big amount for me to gulp down when I'm still at school. As the result, I had to go to the toilet twice today. xD
Today, my very kind little brother bought chocolate ice cream for me. Eddie bought me ice cream after I asked him to. He's supposed to buy it yesterday but he lost his money yesterday so if I continued bugging him yesterday, I'm quite sure that his punch that went to the wall yesterday would reach my pretty cute face. Right? So I ate the chocolate ice cream happily. He's kind~!
Today, Dina kissed me on the cheeks and suddenly played peek-a-boo with me when I was about to sleep. It was when I came back from school. I'm used to sleeping after school. Because that baby girl disturbed me and continued calling me 'kakak...' with a very cute voice, I didn't sleep this evening.
Today, I didn't bring my lunch box to school because there was nothing to take to school. My mother didn't cook this morning. She bought some cucur badak and nasi lemak. I usually take lunch to school but not today. So, I ate breakfast at home. I took the cucur badak. At school, the cucur badak with dried shrimp hate me so much that it caused me an allergy. Some small little spots formed on my hand and face. It's still forming right now and it's itchy. Damn you cucur badak!
Today, we made a plan to reduce 3kg from our body weight. Me, Aqilla, Azrina and Fatin planned to reduce 3kg from our body weight. We're planning to look pretty.(a/n ; blekh!) I would like to know how it feels to be slim, slender and pretty. So, pray for me! Wish us luck for our plan!
Today, I watched Oh! My School after missing a few episodes of it. Myeongsu was so cute! Tony was adorable! Eunjung was lovable! Joon was lovely! and G.Na was so pretty!~~~
So, now, I'm drinking a bottle of Ribena. It has been a long time since I last drank Ribena because my family stopped consuming it for a while. But yesterday my mom bought it. So, let's drink!
Last Friday, after sweeping away all my sadness, I joined a 3-days survival camp organized by my mother's school at Pulau Pangkor. At first, it was me alone who wanted to go. Then I forced my beloved younger-brother-with-different-parents to squire me. And as a very good little brother he is, Eddie agreed to go to the camp.
The journey started on 9pm. Me and another 42 students including Eddie rode the bus with 2 female teachers to the Jetty at Lumut. Then, we continued our journey to Pulau Pangkor with the ferry. Along the way, I made some friends with the other students there and the same goes with Eddie. But it's still awkward so the best way is to stick close with Eddie. Even in the ferry, we were together. And that, sparks controversy and gossips among the students and also the teachers. How lame is that.
Right after arriving at Pangkor, the girls went to have lunch and the boys went to perform the Friday prayer with the teachers. After the boys had their lunch, we were required to walk about 11km to the camp site from the jetty. It was a quite thrilling beginning for a camp. But yeah, I just faced it without not much complaining. It wasn't called survival camp for nothing right? At first, I walked with the girls but then it was so boring and tiring for me to walk slowly under the prickling sun. In my mind, I prefer walking faster when it's hot so that the heat that reached me could be reduced (a/n ; as if..LMAO). So I ran and walk fast like I usually do. And at a point, I met Eddie! Yay! So we continued the journey together. We were among the first ones on the line of 43 students. There were some indecent voices saying that me and Eddie were lovers since we stick together from the beginning. However, the camp leader, Mama and another teacher, who are my mother's and Eddie's mother's friends know that we are almost like siblings. So there's nothing to worry about. Some other kids walk together in couples and they ended up being reproved by the teachers.
Then, we arrived at the camp site. It was situated at Teluk Nipah. Yes, we walked all the way to Teluk Nipah from the main Pangkor Jetty. It was quite far from the town Pasir Bogak, and it felt further because we were walking under the hot burning sun. We were divided into groups and was asked to set up a tent. Yes, just one. Because we were not going to sleep in the tent. It was just a storage to store our things. There was a short briefing about the flow of the camp. After that, there were an ice breaking slot. I was appointed to be the 'Penghuluwati', voted by the camp participants. Then, each groups was asked to make our own flags and group yell. Everyone was trying to be funny. And I swear, most of them were influenced by the movie HKLBR, including my group. I helped to draw the flag of my group. And uhh, before I forgot, Eddie was placed in the same group as me because Mama knows that we need each other there. LOL. (t/n ; Mama is a teacher, she is also a counselor in the school and everyone calls her Mama). When I was drawing, Eddie made his I'm-surprised-face as if he never see me drawing. This boy, he deserve a flying kick from me.
There, the camp commander had a very unique greeting. We all ended up following his greeting which is, "Yo! Punai!" It literally means 'yo bird' but typical Malay would think that it's a kind of bad word. However, the greetings was quite cool for me. Everyone was using that even if the person that you greet isn't your friend. After saying 'Yo! Punai!', it's continued with 'Wiki wiki..' and the other person must continue with '...zombie..'. Then both persons will say, '..ooootaaaakk..' in the zombie intonation. It was very cool and funny if it's spoken in the right way.
That night, after maghrib, we were sent into the jungle with food supply, 4 ground sheets, some things to start fire, water, torch lights and without any utensils. We were required to stay in the jungle until the next morning. So that night, we have to cook our own dinner, without any utensils. Having some experience as a scout, I knew how to cook some of the food. In my group, some of us have had experiences participating in these kind of camping including Eddie. I think he was the most experienced since he was ready with everything needed for a survival camp. Unfortunately, most of the things that Eddie brought was seized by the teachers since we had to test our survivability.
At first, the boys tried to start the fire using some paper to burn. But it was an epic failure. Thank god Eddie was smart enough to remember that we were supplied with some fire starters. I ended up laughing by myself at their obliviousness. So, that night, we had chicken cooked in bamboo, rice cooked in coconut, some 'half-cooked' eggs, roasted sweet potato and twisted bread. The only thing that's finished was the chicken. I was quite proud since my hands were the ones that marinated the chicken. And it was unexpectedly delicious. The so called partially cooked eggs aren't really cooked actually. In fact, it wasn't cooked at all! When we were talking near the fire, Eddie was holding one of the eggs, suddenly, the egg popped in his hands and he just slurped them out thinking that it was a partially cooked egg. But the gross thing is, it's raw! The girls freaked out and he made his I'm-surprised-face again. Eww. However it was forgiven since Eddie can't really see at night and it was him who ate the egg, not me. So, who cares.
Next, it's time to go to sleep. The boys built two tents for sleeping. The four girls supposed to sleep in the smaller tent and the five boys were supposed to sleep in the bigger tent. But we didn't sleep at all. I had my migraine attacked me that night because I didn't take my medicine at all that day. Worse, i can't even close my eyes. I had to sleep to reduce the pain. We couldn't sleep an inch throughout the night except a person. He's quite weird. He even snored. One of us wanted to prank him. He screamed at the sleeping Hasnul, saying that a boar was coming towards us and that weird-sleeping-boy jumped out, surprised, throwing everything out of his hand. He lost his compass and we had a big laugh at that moment. Then, on 3am, we were asked to return to the base camp since the day was going to rain. We packed our things and moved out from the jungle. At the base camp, we slept on the ground sheet under the roof. I thanked god. Finally I was able to sleep even for two hours.
The next day, we started our day with our subuh prayers. Then we played some games for the morning exercise. I had fun. After that, we cooked our breakfast. Yes, we had to cook to eat. No one supplied food for us. After having breakfast, we went for jungle trekking. I was annoyed during the jungle trekking since some of the girls were in front of me to walk near Eddie. It's not that I'm jealous or what so ever that I couldn't walk with him but it's just the matter of fact that I walked between two girls and ended up landing on my butt 4 times along the jungle trekking because no boys were there to help me. -.-". It's still painful. When we got out of the jungle and walked on the main road, I ran, again. Yea, I do love to run there. And miraculously, my legs weren't painful at all. As I ran, someone was beside me, yeah, Eddie catch up with me. As I said, he's a good little brother that won't leave his sister alone. LMAO. When we arrived at the camp, they were complaining about how their legs hurt. It wasn't painful at all for me. However, the thing that bothers me was the feverish temperature on the island. I could feel my skin was tanning.
Then, after a short rest, we cooked our lunch. Some of the dishes were given by the teachers as present for our good behavior during the activities. I was hungry, but couldn't eat more. After zuhur, the teachers, again, surprised us with another present. We were allowed to go snorkeling. It was a new experience for me since I never went snorkeling before. However, since the activity wasn't included in the schedule, we had to pay another RM10 for it. I had RM 11 and 35 cents in my purse and Eddie had RM8 in his wallet. How funny is that. I really wanted to go but Eddie had to be there with me. So he searched for his coins and there were exactly RM1. We were laughing out loud and I gave him another RM1. That's how strong our will to play at the sea.
Then, in line, the 43 students walked from the camp to the seaside waiting for the boat to fetch us and take us to the Coral Island. We prepared ourselves with the life jackets. I was being naughty and tried to prank people. My first victim was my little brother. Oh yeah. Eddie! When you wear a life jacket, there's a cord or should I say a rope that goes between your legs and secured near your waist. It could be adjusted by pulling it to tighten it. I went to Eddie, held the rope, and...pulled it hard and fast. LOL. Please don't blame me me if anything happens to your future, Eddie! I tried to do other things to other people but they weren't really in the mood since we were waiting under the sun at the seashore.
After arriving at th island, there was a small briefing. Then, we went in to the sea. The camp commander taught each one of us how to float and swim. When it was my turn, he was like "Okay, relax and try to float your body..". I smiled and said, "Sir, I can swim..". He then pushed me away and was like.."Next..". HAHAHAHAHAHA. It's better not to waste his time on me right? So I tried to familiarize myself with the sea condition. First, I was snorkeling with the girls. They who can't swim pulled my hands and it was putting tense on me. If you're panicked, you're not supposed to hold the person beside you because you will end up drowning that person. The right way is to either let them hold you or just hold their life jacket. NOT their body parts. So at last, I left them and swam to Eddie. After snorkeling, we went to the other side of the island to wait for the boat and swim. When I got out of the water, some of them freaked out seeing the blood that came out of my toes. I, myself was quite surprised. The bleeding won't stop. It looked like someone just chopped my toe. Then the 'Penghulu' played his role. He held my toes and read something. He pured some mineral water then the bleeding stopped. Teacher Siti was worried sick and it was quite hilarious. It wasn't painful for me. But the bleeding made it looked so painful.
After 3 hours at the sea, we went back to the camp. I ran with Eddie, again, along with the leader of the camp and a very kind 'abang'. Yes, I ran with the very injured soles. LOL. On my way back, Eddie suddenly sprinted and left me behind with the camp leader. I yelled at Eddie but he was too far ahead. Then, Sir Amin, the camp leader said, 'Your 'abang' left you..'. I almost laughed my ass off, he was the one who didn't misunderstood our relationship but he thought that Eddie was my older brother when in fact he was my little bro. Holding my laugh inside, I sprinted and arrived at the camp, seeing my mother and my family was already there.
Then, we prepared for prayers. After that, because there were many teachers there, including my mother, they decided to cook for the students along. So for dinner that night, we got food! yes! No cooking! I was sick of cooking. LOL. After dinner, we had to perform for 'Malam Kebudayaan'. It's supposed to be very exciting and noisy and fun but everyone was so tired, the night became very insipid. Then we went to sleep. We were allowed to sleep early because according to the schedule, we got Qiamullail and solo drop late at night. However, I woke up at 2am following the time table but I ended up sleeping again when I saw no one around. Again, waking up at 4, for the solo drop or more known as 'burung hantu', I slept again because no one woke up. Even the teachers weren't around. At last, we were woken up by th teachers on 5.35am. oh yeah! Subuh! That night, we got enough sleep.
After subuh, we went for riadhah and played games. It was really fun since everyone was relaxed. But I hate it how the girls was complaining all along about how their legs hurt and how tired they were. Like duh, everyone WAS tired. Not only you. So please, shut your mouth. We played crazy train and friends that morning. After playing, we cooked breakfast. I made sardine roll. And how ugly it looks, it tasted really good. I swear. Ask Eddie if you don't believe me. Everything was finished. I was proud since I was the one who made most of them.
Then, we packed to leave. And there was the closing ceremony. After that, we went to the Jetty, this time, by van. I was still with Eddie. After arriving at Lumut, we went for lunch. I was with Eddie again, but he left me. And I was like a crazy girl looking for him. Pft, such a pain on the ass. Most of the went shopping there. And remember how I only got 35 cents and Eddie got none? Before we went to Jetty from the camp site, my mother gave us some money. Thank god.
Then, we went home by bus. It was a very fun trip. I was having fun. But the only thing that upset me is that my skin got tanned more. Very annoying.
I just came back from my school's speech day for year 2010. I was awarded with 7 prizes. I should be happy. But I'm crying. Yeah, I'm such a cry baby. Call me anything. I'm just too hurt to fight back.
Since kindergarten, I'm a quite good student in the academic path. Therefore, you can see either one of my parents on school's speech day almost on every year. Speech day is considered an unusual thing for an average student. Okay, I'm not here to brag about my achievement but just sharing my feelings right now. The first time they came, I got first place in the batch and that was on year 2004. If I'm not mistaken, only my mother was present on that year. But who cares? I got a prize and I was happy. As an eight-year old, I was extremely happy that time to be on stage and seeing my mom taking pictures of me.
For the following years, the same thing happen over and over again. Exactly the same except one thing; my feelings. I started to feel unappreciated by my parents. They didn't look as proud anymore. Maybe it has become a usual thing for them. However, by the end of my years in elementary school, I was awarded 'The Academic Figure of The Year' for my outstanding achievement along my study in SK Raja Perempuan Muzwin. They looked very proud. And I swear, that was the only time where both of my parents attended the speech day. But there's something there. They didn't look as proud as they were when my sister was awarded the title 'The Best Student of The Year' along with the 'Ar-Rahmah' title from the same school. That, left a scar on me.
I went on and attended high school while trying to shed all the bad memories and let the scar leave slowly. I tried my best in every test and fair very well. Repeat; Very Well. Again, I'm not trying to brag right here. And so, my parents, once again, got the invitation to the school's speech day. I was very happy. It was my first year on high school and I got first place in the batch while some of the students are still struggling to familiarize with the high school regulations and style of study. If you're my parents, won't you feel proud? And the speech day went as usual.
Last year, I got the first place again. My parents are again, invited to the school's speech day that was held today. I thought they would feel very proud. Two years in a row. Don't you think so? But I was wrong. They don't even bother to come. My mother was busy with her school program and my father was busy on field with his students. Earlier, my father said he was coming. I was waiting with tears. Many questions popped out in my head. I was devastated. Completely broken into pieces. But then colour came back to my face when I saw my mother entering the hall.
I went on stage and took the present happily with a smile on my face. I reached my place and sit, still with a smile. After a while, I looked at my mother's direction and I saw an empty seat there. Did a bullet just passed through my brain? No, but yes, my mother had left.
Could you imagine my feelings at that time? I was speechless. At home, she said that she doesn't like the way the speech day at my school goes. I was upset. Very much. No matter how bad my speech day was. No matter how long they are giving speeches. No matter how boring the program goes. She should have stayed. She should be proud of me. Or at least make me feel appreciated. I'm not trying to blame anyone. I'm just...hurt.
I guess something that's extraordinary, when it happens too usual, it will become an ordinary thing right? I hope I can be happy. I hope I can always make them attend the speech days in years ahead.
My parents aren't bad. They maybe are not the best parents in the world. But they are my parents and I am their child. I hope they can always be proud of this daughter of theirs.
