Missing You

Missing You

          It has been a while now. I thought I've recovered. But I'm absolutely wrong. I still shed a tear every once in a while. Deep in my heart, I'm longing him so badly.


          He was the one who always pray for me and always want to see me succeed. He's an awesome man. I could speak with him using 3 languages. That's my atuk. He's wonderful. He was always there to back me up whenever I argue with my opah. She loves to compare me to my cousin. And she never agree with me on anything. It's her hobby to annoy me, perhaps. He told me not to get upset. "There's no use." "She's different." "She's not that smart." "She doesn't get it." "Let her be." that's what he always said to me. He understands me really well. I love him.


          When spending time at kampung, I'm always anxious. As if my ears are hearing his motorbike's sound driving in to the yard, I keep looking around out the window in the evening. Hoping that he'll come back with gardenia bread and ice cream or mee rebus, popiah and karipap like he always did. But I knew that there's no way it would happen. I miss him so much.


          At dawn, my ears keep hearing him reciting the Quran and zikir. As if he's still there. But that's just me. He's not there. And will never be. My heart yearn for his presence.


          Every time someone mention about him around me, my eyes started getting teary. The loss of him hurts. But the memories that replays again and again are the biggest pain. I always pray to meet him again in the hereafter. May Allah will bless his soul. And let him rest in peace. Amiin.

Him.

          He took care of him when he's sick. He was there the whole time never leaving him alone. He gave all the things he want. He cared for him like a little child. He never ever complained. He wiped his body with the cold yaasin water. Hoping that the sakaraatul maut would be less harsh to him. He kept reminding him to be tough. And not to stop saying the kalimah. He smiled to everybody who came to visit. He smiled to me and my little brother who're already crying at the corner. He recited the yaasin praying that the process of him 'going back' would be less painful. He whispered the kalimah syahaadah to his ears nonstop. He smiled when the doctor said that there's no more hope. He nodded his head with a calm face. He saw the last two breaths. He saw it when there were water vapor in the second last breath. And he saw it when there's only air came out. Cold, no heat. He saw the last moments. But he still managed to go home with a smile. He still had the strength to greet everyone. He managed to control his feelings. But the next morning, before the jenazah left home. He just can't keep it anymore. At last, the strong him cried. The tears fell non-stop. With the red eyes and face, he still managed to ask forgiveness for him from everyone who came. He asked them to pray for the best for the late him. And he said all that with a smile. I couldn't hold my tears any longer and they fell for the nth time that day. I've been crying from the day before. And seeing the strong him crying like that, it just broke my heart. After the burial. He sat there. With his two sons. And me, his daughter. He smiled. And then, his tears fell again. He loves him. And the tears he held for such a long time fell that day just because.. He is a son. 






May allah bless his soul in peace. My late Tok. Amin.

Other ways to use your moisturizer.

Other ways to use your moisturizer.


         So yeah, I bought a Hada Labo moisturizer back while ago. It's called the Moisturizing Milk. I bought it along with the lotion. The lotion was okay for me but the milk had made little red blotches appear on my skin. They're itching and when I scratch it, I will have small cuts in my face. And believe me, it hurts. And it left me hyper pigmentation as well. I have been stopped using it but it's quite sad since I've spent a quite amount of money on that product. So I tried to figure out a way to still use it.


         Sometimes ago, Michelle Phan did a tutorial on doing DIY cotton mask. I was inspired to use the moisturizing milk that way but the consistency of the milk is too thick and the cotton pads available here is too thick and not stretchable as well. So, I figured out a way.


         What you'll need are a regular moisturizer, a kitchen towel, a small bowl, a pair of scissor and of course a little bit of water. First, mix 3 to 5 drops of your moisturizer with a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitle bit of watter in a small bowl. Then, take a kitchen towel, also known as paper towel, cut it to your face size. Cut 4 holes for your eyes, mouth and nose. It doesnt have to be perfect. Just cut it roughly. Then, soak the paper towel into the mixture of moisturizer. let the excess drip down before applying it to your face. Adjust the mask so it sits properly on your skin. Then, take the excess mixture and pat it onto the mask. Chill yourself for 10 minutes then take it off. Tadaaaa~ a soft and bouncy hydrated skin. xD 


         Goodluck! :)

The Super Girls.

The Super Girls.

            That day was just another tiring school day for me. It’s such a long day. Not to mention the homework that were piling up waiting for me to have it done. I let out a sigh. It was just a layer of tiredness on my multi-layered cake of exhaustion. I walked lazily when suddenly someone covered my head and everything just turned black.

            I woke up in an unknown room. Four women sat on the bed. There’s a woman standing by the window and another woman sat on a chair beside the bed. The six of them rushed to me when one of them mentioned that I have woke up. A friendly looking person smiled at me. She’s quite tall and her skin was a little bit tan. She then held my hand and asked me if I was okay. Two women with cat like eyes and fair skin smiled warmly at me and told me that I don’t have to be afraid. They looked so alike and I assumed that they’re twins or maybe blood sisters. The person that was standing by the window just now gave me a glass of milk. That woman with Caucasian look gave me a smile. I was hesitant to drink it at first but their warm smiles just melted those feelings away. The other two women just sat by the bed. They both looked like Asian with fair skin. Maybe they’re Japanese or Chinese.

            That night, I had dinner with them. I was really anxious about what is really happening. Suddenly I realise something; my family must be dead worried about me. How could I inform them that these six women saved me? While I was still worrying about that, they came and sat with me in the living room. They started to introduce themselves properly. The woman that’s a little bit tan was Tun Fatimah. The two who looked alike were Trung Trac and Trung Nhi. Just like what I thought, although I was wrong on the twin part, they’re biological sisters. Others called them the Trung Sisters. The Caucasian woman was Joan of Arc. She surely smiled a lot since she never stops smiling since I first saw her. The Chinese like woman was Hua Mulan, and to be exact, she’s truly Chinese. The last one was Hangaku Gozen. She’s Japanese and she’s quite a cold person. She just kept her straight face but I could still fell the warmth through her eyes.

            I got a lot of questions to ask them and so I took that chance to ask them. The first one was the reason I was there. They said that there’s a dark clan consists of nine vampires that feed on human blood called ‘The Black Soshi’ that’s turning weaker day by day and they needed my blood to make them stay strong. They’re the ones who tried to catch me that evening but luckily these six women that had been watching over The Black Soshi’s activities; killing humans for years was there to save me and took me to their house. I was taken aback by what they had told me. Suddenly I felt so scared and started crying. Mulan quickly took my hand and calmed myself down. She told me that as long as they’re by my side, no one could harm me. But Why me? Joan stated that my blood was special; it was different from other humans or creatures. She also added that humans with this kind of blood only exist once in 999 years. The Black Soshi had been yearning for my type of blood for such a long time.

            After that, I asked them why they are staying together. They’re from different countries and races and also religion. They just shook their head and smiled. Fatimah told me that the fate brought them together. I nodded my head and had a little conversation with them before I went to sleep.

            It had been two weeks since I had live with them. They treated me so well that I felt homey there. I was never allowed to go out. Even in the house, there was always one of them accompanying me. However, that evening I was so eager to go out. I wanted to feel the evening breeze. They forbid me to do so but I stubbornly sneaked out.

            I walked quite far from home. I just realised that the house was placed in the middle of a forest. It felt so good to go out. I walked a little deeper and arrived at quite a shady place. No sunshine at all. All of a sudden, a blonde girl popped out unexpectedly. She’s wearing black and her skin was so pale. She smiled at me but it felt so cold and insincere. She came close to me and I started to feel afraid. She called my name and told me that she’s Jessica.

            Suddenly her black eyes turned red and fangs appeared in her mouth. She pushed me hard to a tree and locked me with her hands. She moved her head closer to my neck and that made me realised that she’s one of The Black Soshi. I could feel her breath on my skin and I knew that my death was getting near. Oh god, please forgive all my sins. I felt her fangs brushing onto my skin. I closed my eyes and suddenly the grip on my hands loosened. I opened my eyes slowly and found a body covered with dark coloured blood lying in front of me. In addition, the dead body got no head. Then I saw Hangaku standing there with a long samurai sword in her hands and a head with blonde hair beside her. Her eyes filled with anger. She looked up and turned to me. Suddenly the gaze turned into a gaze that’s full of warmth. “Let’s go home,” she said and took my hand.

            Those women were so worried with what happened. The incident that happened this evening just proved that the vampires were still looking for me. With determined voice, Mulan suddenly said that the time had arrived for them to made the Black Soshi vanished from this world before they kill more innocent persons. The other five agreed to her while I just sat quietly at the corner of the room.

            The next day, the women was ready in their fighting attire. Tun Fatimah wore a pair of blue attire with a piece of cloth tied on her waist. Another piece of cloth was tied on her head. For me, she looked exactly like a Classical Malay warrior like in those black and white movies. She inserted a ‘Keris’ at her waist. The Trung sisters wore a traditional Vietnamese warrior attire complete with their weapons. Joan of Arc had a sword in her hands and she’s wearing a hard metal outfit. Her eyes were burning with courage. Then Hua Mulan came out of her room wearing green attire with a shining sword in her right hand and a bow in her left hand. Hangaku Gozen wore samurai attire and she inserted her long Japanese sword in its case that’s hanging on her waist. They looked so persistent to face The Black Soshi.

            We walked deep into the forest and arrived in front of a cave. Suddenly a loud echo of laughter was heard. A small-figured girl walked out of the cave with other seven girls following her. The one that was laughing was The Black Soshi’s leader. She’s pale just like seven others, her eyes were black, and they all wore black outfits. She got two small diamonds at the corner of her eyes. She focused her gaze on Tun Fatimah and started speaking. “One of you killed our Jessica,” She paused for a while and continued, “... as a reprisal, give us that girl...!” She said and pointed her finger at me. I was completely frozen. The pressure was gradually rising. Mulan who was beside me smirked and said, “not even in your dreams...”

            Mulan shot an arrow and it landed on Soehyun’s chest. She smirked and pulled it out roughly. Then the war started. I was so scared. They asked me to stay aside and didn’t ever allow anyone to come near me. I could see Hangaku swaying her sword with her eyes full of hatred. The Trung sisters were fighting without a pinch of fear. Slowly, one by one died in the six women’s hands. The war continued until night arrived. Joan was badly injured but she still persistently swaying her sword. I could see blood dripping from Fatimah’s face but she was still in the spirit to fight those vampires.

            The last one standing was Yoona. Even their leader was already dead. She focused her gaze at me and swayed her left hand allowing some bullet-like things came out from her nails towards my body. I could feel those black things sinking in my neck. I heard screams from the women and suddenly everything turned white.

            I opened my eyes and found myself on a white bed in a white room. My mother cried happy tears when she saw me gaining my consciousness back. I asked her about what happened. She told me that a car knocked me when I was walking home from school. I wasn’t badly injured but I lost my consciousness due to the impact of the hit. I had been lying on the bed for five days. I smiled upon hearing that.

            I moved my hands to my neck and I felt it; the scars on my neck. I wasn’t here for five days but only myself knew where I went to and it wasn’t for just five days, it was two awesome weeks with the legendary female warriors in history. I carved a smile on my lips. I would never forget about what happened. They were my Super Girls.

Tun Fatimah–Malaysian Heroine. Daughter to the Malaccan Bendahara in 16^th century.

Trung Sisters-Hai Ba Trung. 1^st century Vietnamese women leader.

Joan of Arc-National Heroine of France. Led the French army to several important victories.

Hua Mulan-Chinese Heroine who joined the all-male army.

Hangaku Gozen-Female samurai warrior. Daughter of the Jo warrior family, the Taira Clan.

The Wingless Angel.

The Wingless Angel.

  In my life, there is a wingless angel sent by god. She’s the one that brought me to this world. She is the one that taught me the meaning of love.

            Every morning, she wakes me up so that I can go to school. She prepares the breakfast before getting herself ready to go to work. She then sends me to school. When it’s time to go home, I can see her waiting me by the gate. She picks me up and takes me home. After that, she sends my little brother to his religious class and picks him up when it’s time. At home, she cooks, cleans, and prepare for our school for tomorrow and other things that moms usually do. The very next day, she continues the tiring routine. At weekends, she goes to the market to buy things or sends my brother to his classes. She does that every single day, week and months. Sometimes I wonder, doesn’t she get bored with that?

           However, from what I can see, she’s not bored with that, not at all. Because she’s a mother. A mother will never be tired of being a mother.

            My mother is like an angel for me. Her heart is even prettier than an angel is. Every time I’m in need, she is always there. When I said always, I really mean it. When I’m sick, she’s the one who takes care of me. Even by looking at her, I can feel her love for her children.

            Although she often annoys me with her nagging or scolding at my wrong doings, my mother is always the one that I love the most. She does that because she knows exactly what’s best for me. She is the Wingless Angel descends from heaven that’s always there to catch me whenever I’m falling or tripping.

            She has given everything to me. I hope that I can do the same to her too. Protecting her forever even with my weak self. I wish I could always be by her side, caring for her and loving her with all my heart. Even if the world ends, I will always love her like a timeless ticking clock that never stops.