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I just came back from my school's speech day for year 2010. I was awarded with 7 prizes. I should be happy. But I'm crying. Yeah, I'm such a cry baby. Call me anything. I'm just too hurt to fight back.
Since kindergarten, I'm a quite good student in the academic path. Therefore, you can see either one of my parents on school's speech day almost on every year. Speech day is considered an unusual thing for an average student. Okay, I'm not here to brag about my achievement but just sharing my feelings right now.
The first time they came, I got first place in the batch and that was on year 2004. If I'm not mistaken, only my mother was present on that year. But who cares? I got a prize and I was happy. As an eight-year old, I was extremely happy that time to be on stage and seeing my mom taking pictures of me.
For the following years, the same thing happen over and over again. Exactly the same except one thing; my feelings. I started to feel unappreciated by my parents. They didn't look as proud anymore. Maybe it has become a usual thing for them. However, by the end of my years in elementary school, I was awarded 'The Academic Figure of The Year' for my outstanding achievement along my study in SK Raja Perempuan Muzwin. They looked very proud. And I swear, that was the only time where both of my parents attended the speech day. But there's something there. They didn't look as proud as they were when my sister was awarded the title 'The Best Student of The Year' along with the 'Ar-Rahmah' title from the same school. That, left a scar on me.
I went on and attended high school while trying to shed all the bad memories and let the scar leave slowly. I tried my best in every test and fair very well. Repeat; Very Well. Again, I'm not trying to brag right here. And so, my parents, once again, got the invitation to the school's speech day. I was very happy. It was my first year on high school and I got first place in the batch while some of the students are still struggling to familiarize with the high school regulations and style of study. If you're my parents, won't you feel proud? And the speech day went as usual.
Last year, I got the first place again. My parents are again, invited to the school's speech day that was held today. I thought they would feel very proud. Two years in a row. Don't you think so? But I was wrong. They don't even bother to come. My mother was busy with her school program and my father was busy on field with his students. Earlier, my father said he was coming. I was waiting with tears. Many questions popped out in my head. I was devastated. Completely broken into pieces. But then colour came back to my face when I saw my mother entering the hall.
I went on stage and took the present happily with a smile on my face. I reached my place and sit, still with a smile. After a while, I looked at my mother's direction and I saw an empty seat there. Did a bullet just passed through my brain? No, but yes, my mother had left.
Could you imagine my feelings at that time? I was speechless. At home, she said that she doesn't like the way the speech day at my school goes. I was upset. Very much. No matter how bad my speech day was. No matter how long they are giving speeches. No matter how boring the program goes. She should have stayed. She should be proud of me. Or at least make me feel appreciated. I'm not trying to blame anyone. I'm just...hurt.
I guess something that's extraordinary, when it happens too usual, it will become an ordinary thing right? I hope I can be happy. I hope I can always make them attend the speech days in years ahead.
My parents aren't bad. They maybe are not the best parents in the world. But they are my parents and I am their child. I hope they can always be proud of this daughter of theirs.
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